Tuesday, February 15, 2011

A Letter to a Dear Friend

Dearest Forge World,

From the days I first laid eyes on you, I knew I loved you. The tanks, the gargantuan creatures, the upgrade packs... I loved it all! My favorite thing of all was your Elysain model range. I loved their posability, I loved their style, I loved the extras. All of it. And when the third Imperial Armor book came out, I wasn't mad that the Imperials lost. The Tau had been getting the short end of the stick for a while, and they needed their moment in the sun. The Elysians played a good game, too.

Then the fourth Imperial Armour book came out, Forge World. At first, there was nothing but putzing around on the part of the Imperials. Then they all got eaten by Tyranids, with the exception of some Red Scorpions who signed an Inquisitor's death warrant and left him on the planet to be consumed like a side dish. The Elysians played no role whatsoever and went out like a bunch of wussies. As if that weren't enough, the a more recent IA book, the Raid on Kastorel Novem features the Elysians and Raven Guard making a strike deep into Ork territory (their specialties, may I add) and accomplishing nothing! Again, they went out like total bitches!

Why, Forge World, why? Why do you hate the Elysians so much? That's what it has to be; the Imperial Armor books aren't about the Xenos winning, it's about the Elysians losing! Do you want me to stop playing them!? Now there's another IA book coming out, this time it's Cadians and Elysians versus the Eldar. Forge World, I swear if the Imperials loose to Eldar of all things and Elysians go out like punks, I'm selling the army and starting DKoK.


P.S. I'm very hurt, but I still love you.


Distance said...

haha Dark Apostle, Love you Jordan!

oni said...

Hmmm... Quit Drop Punks and play Death Korps... I think that's a spectacular idea. You should do it! :P

Myles said...

Ryan or Dave: Go to Hell.

Oni: I'm thinking about it. I may end up doing both if Mr. Joshua ends up paying for my resin casting stuff. God, that'd be so many models...